Letter To Myself

Dear me,

Now, quarantine hasn’t brought many good things, but something it has allowed me to do is to have more time to think. For better or for worse I’m not sure yet, but I think this letter needs to be written. Whether this is to my future self or to compose my current feelings and to never be seen again, I’m not sure, but here are some things I need to take from quarantine and from this time where I have been able to just think.

Firstly, be grateful. You have a strong network of loving family and friends who you constantly take for granted. I understand you find it hard to talk and stay in contact with people, and texting seems like the hardest task in the world sometimes, but these people will be there for you despite all of that. That’s what friends and family do. At times where you have felt alone you have to realise you’re far from it, and when someone asks how you are, don’t reply with “im fine” - unless you really, truly are. Think about others who might be in a similar situation to yourself and think about what you can do to help. What would you want someone to say or do? Be compassionate. I won’t dwell on this point too much, but remember everyone is here for you no matter what, just as you are for them.

You need to stop sitting in front of the mirror - stop comparing yourself to others. The problem isn’t your body or your appearance, it’s what you think of it. Now the things you see online aren’t true representations of natural beauty. Photoshop is a thing Tilly! Stop trying to convince yourself that once you change something about yourself you will instantly be so much happier The reality is you will just find the next thing you dislike and the cycle repeats itself. Start to focus on the things you like about yourself, because there are things. You will grow out of your jeans, and rather than sitting there in self-hatred, buy some more. Your body changes, it’s natural, embrace it. You don’t need validation from others! This is something you need to work on but you need to love yourself first, then start accepting compliments. It doesn’t work otherwise. And lastly, life is too short to be thinking about every little detail of your appearance. Messy buns are a thing for a reason!

This next point is because you haven’t done this enough during quarantine. While everyone has indulged in the idea of self-care and making sure they were taking time for themselves, you decided to do the complete opposite. Working more, sleeping less, putting more pressure on yourself during an already immensely challenging time. Ok, the grades gave you satisfaction and it was an achievement to say the least but you need to know when to put yourself first. There is no point doing the work if throughout the process your mental heath struggled and you weren’t happy throughout that point in time. It’s OK to say I need a day off: that’s not a waste of a day, it’s a break to relax.

This is the last point I am going to make in this letter but it’s one you should listen to the most. Stop coming up with every reason you shouldn’t go or do something fun or positive. You seem to have developed this wall of excuses about why you don’t want to attend plans or go and do something. Stop. How many times have you missed out on a memory because the split second of anxiety hit and you dropped out of the plans. How many times have you said “I'm tired” or “I'm busy” when the reality is you just didn’t want to get ready. When these chances to go out and live your life get taken away from you like they have during quarantine, you start to realise how stupid you are for refusing to go on them. How much you missed out on and regret it now. When this is all over and it's safe to go out, say yes a little more. Stop thinking about every little what if and just live.

It’s not all back to normal yet and it won’t be for some time, but think of this as a wakeup call to make the honest changes you need to. But most importantly, you are doing okay. I’m proud of you. You may not get told those 4 words very often but it’s something I can truly say and believe about myself. You’ve got this!